Divorce

“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may be actually falling into place.” - J.  Lynn

Divorce or separation is not pleasant or easy for either of the partners (nor the children) no matter if you are the one who decided to end the marriage, the initiator, or the other partner, “the non-initiator”. The difference between the two, is that the initiator has time to analyse and adapt to their separation way before the non-initiator. It is common for the initiator to start processing the idea of separation years before it really happens, and therefore he or she has time to adjust to the new life. However, for the non-initiator it can be a shock. Maybe you did see it coming, or maybe it’s totally unexpected. It might feel like your whole world is falling apart, you are lost, hurt, afraid, angry or in denial. I want to reassure you that you are just at the beginning of your new life. Like all changes, this isn’t easy to accept or maybe you don’t really want to accept it for several different reasons.

A divorce has a strong emotional impact on your life, and some people can develop clinical depression. There are also a few people that decide to divorce by mutual consent, and they manage to maintain a healthy communication and relationship. Below is a list of some common reasons people choose to separate.

Common reasons for divorce:

- Getting married for satisfying certain needs (i.e: belonging, social status);
- Lack of commitment and involvement;
- Blaming, lack of responsibility; 
- Anxiety, stress, depression
- Infidelity
- Co-dependency 
- Intimacy discrepancies
- Lack of intimacy
- Communication issues
- Unmet expectations
- Cultural differences
- Inability of solving problems
- Finances

Unfortunately, a divorce has strong negative consequences on one’s mental health.

The psychological effects of divorce:

- Guilt
- Depression
- Anger
- Anxiety
- Addictions, substance abuse
- Stress
- Insomnia

How can I help
Start by taking care of yourself, connecting with friends or meeting new people, doing activities that you used to enjoy, learning and developing new skills. Take time to grieve. Also, seek professional support from a therapist, psychologist or a life coach. How could that help? They are not biased, and are trained to support you while you recover from a difficult time.